so, today has been really odd. i just got back from kenya a few days ago. ive been all out of sorts. i think i left my heart in kibera. i hardly care about anything, and i have a very loose grip on reality.
some things i know are:
i lost an iPod and fourty dollars.
i have two new bracelets.
my life will be more expensive with this new international calling nonsense.
i want to be able to say, nothing else compares to the greatness of knowing You. not even what You have called me to, not even the people of africa, not even Your will. isnt that an odd predicament to be in? i dont know exactly how to distinguish between Him and His will. i want to know this warmly personal and deeply affectionate God more and more. i want to want that, atleast.
im going to oklahoma tomorrow because i dont want to be here and i dont know why. i think that offends alot of people.
i havent been engaging in life recently, and i dont plan to start anytime soon.
im going to work out more.
goodnight.
i'm not offended. i know what you mean.
ReplyDeletei encourage you to reach out to Him, spend time being quiet with Him, listening for Him, even in this frustration and feelings of alone-ness. you are not alone. even when it feels that way.
love you forever, my friend. you are so special to me.