I am so grateful for the women in my life.
First, there is the one with the light skin, light hair, light eyes. The one who I invited into all my hidden places, in that dingy office with fluorescent lights and puke green walls. The beautiful mother of two, entrepreneur, therapist, leader, role model. Her eyes always bright, always present, always open. They were the first that I can remember to truly see a beauty and depth in me that I never saw in myself. Even when I told her of all the horrendous things I’d done, felt, said, thought. In her presence, there’s always an acceptance and awareness that makes me feel safe, okay. By being believed in, I’ve been able to believe in myself. By being supported, I’ve been able to move forward. By being accepted, I’ve been able to be true with myself and others. This woman offers a gentleness and compassion that is unique and warm.
Then, there’s the woman that bore me and raised me. The strong one, the one who has experienced traumas unheard of. The one who has had the tenacity to keep breathing, keep loving, keep living when it didn’t seem possible anymore. She has demonstrated for me what true healing looks like. She has shown me firsthand that recovery is possible; it is always just around the corner. That it’s ok to ask for help, that it’s always best to be completely honest. She is a garden, that I’ve had the beautiful privilege of watching grow and flourish. I’ve seen this garden dry, dead, with thorns. I’ve seen the God of gentleness prune her, water her. Plant new and beautiful seeds of resilience and self-acceptance. I’ve seen flowers bloom, just to show what beauty is. I’ve seen vegetable seeds thrive, able to teach, nourish, serve, and give to others.
And the one that has aged with the most grace. The one who has seen so much, lost so much, learned so much and loved so much in her eighty years here. So willing to impart all of that wisdom onto me. “Acceptance, humility, openness are the keys” she says. The keys to serenity, to living and loving well. And I see that exemplified for me in every conversation we have, sitting on the deep couches surrounded by pillows and Angel the dog. This woman gives me hope about living the rest of my life, showing me that joy and vitality is possible on any day, at any stage and any age. She is an inspiration. She is a gift, given timely and purposefully.
Not to mention the one with the fiery red hair and bright blue eyes. The beautiful mother, wife, designer, recovering alcoholic, believer, friend. The one that doesn’t fit inside of the box, and owns up to that uniqueness. Filled with security, acceptance, and love for herself and her Jesus. In the best way, in the way that inspires me. In the way that makes her more loving, forgiving, life-filled and life-giving. She shows me what it looks like to have real faith. To have a faith that unites us, encourages us, and opens up the horizons. She is the anomaly that I’ve needed for so long. To show me that I can be myself and be with Jesus. “Girl, that judgment stuff is just bullshit! Where’s the grace? That’s what it’s all about!” Spoken with such confidence, I feel my own heart rise up in agreement and hope.
All of these women, all gifts to me. All gifts to the world of people they inspire, encourage, love, support, comfort. Filled with humility, tenderness, compassion that fills the spaces they’re in with a close, golden warmth. Filled with a strength and shamelessness that refuses to crumple and back down in the face of trauma, judgment, and the challenges of being alive and being a woman. A passion that flows outwards, radiating a deep, full red that demands attention.
All of these women, gifts given to me at the most perfect and necessary times. To keep me afloat, to keep me growing and moving and smiling. To keep my eyes open and facing forward. To inspire me to become the kind of woman that radiates that same love, gentleness, strength, and warmth.