i cry because some things do matter, i smile because some things dont, and i laugh because i cant distinguish between the two.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Trust Me.

So I've been holding onto my old sins so tightly that my knuckles turn white, thinking that they are serving some purpose in my life, instead of letting God totally destroy & rebuild them. I've convinced myself that my own shame and self-condemnation is the only thing that will keep me obedient to God. In reality, maybe it has helped to keep me from going further than I otherwise would have, but it definitely doesn't keep me at Christ's feet in any way. I wonder if anyone can relate. Anyway, today, God told me this, and I have an inclination that maybe someone else needs to hear this too: "Abby, you are clay in My hands. I'm going to make you into something beautiful, but I need you to work with Me. I'm never going to force you into anything, I will wait for your cooperation. Don't give up before we get started. Don't tell me it's useless. Don't follow the stubborness of your own heart anymore, love. Trust Me with your past, your hurts, your sins. Even with those things that you have kept hidden for so long, those things you think unbearably shameful. I know it hurts to touch them, and I know you want to hide them but I've gotta bring them into the light so we can look at them together. My heart is to heal you. You've gotta trust me. I'm not gonna hurt you and just leave you that way, sweet girl. Remember that I am gentle and compassionate, that I care for you more than you care for yourself. I'm the One that put you together, that brought you here in the first place, that carried you across the world and back. When you feel yourself shutting down, when you feel your hands tightening and your mind resorting to that old way of thinking- look up, into My face. I will help you. I am the Christ, the Savior, the only One who knows your deepest self, your deepest hurts and fears and needs. Trust Me with your heart, sweet girl. Take My hand, this will bring us closer together. It will be hard work, but I am with you, and it will be worth it. Trust Me."

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