For the love of God.

Yesterday, I read something, somewhere that said this day and age, we are struggling with the "sin of unbelief" in God's love for us. I see that so evidently in my life and the lives of those around me. An inability to really believe in the fact that He does, in fact, love us very much. This has been devastating for me, and for others. It creates such a barrier between us. At first, I didn't like the way "sin of unbelief" struck me. How is that a sin? How is that necessarily wrong for me to doubt His love?

Then I thought of it this way: If a man loved a woman so, so much.. that He gave up not even His own life- but the life of His child, for her. And she STILL doubted Him? She STILL questioned His love and devotion to her.. how much would that hurt Him? That would be so painful, like a slap in the face. Because what more can He do, really? He's given her everything already.

And that's me- that's us- when we doubt His love. It hurts Him more than we know. But I've gotten used to living in this place of doubt.

Well, I don't want to anymore. At first, I know it'll take discipline- a sort of "whether I feel it or not" type of discipline to move into belief. In the past, I've relied a lot on emotional experiences to affirm His love and be convinced of it over and over again. But, it's time to move past that now. It's time to move into a more solid foundation of surety. So, I'm going to the things He has already told me, for sure, and the things He's already done in the lives of other people. I'm going to His Word.

And I've started keeping a small journal. I write down little verses He's spoken to me, like "Abby, I think about you all the time" (Ps 139). And little things He gives or shows to me throughout the day.

This morning, I wrote down one of my favorite passages from John 15:1-16- the one where Jesus talks about how He is the vine and we are the branches. In one part He says, "now, stay in My love by obeying all the things I've commanded you." and a few verses later He says, "this is my command: love each other". And all of the sudden, it dawned on me that this is one of the biggest ways I have experienced His love in the past and still do today- through the love that other people show me.

I feel His care through the weight of someone's arm around my shoulders. I feel His sympathy when I look into the tear-filled eyes of the person listening intently to my story. I know His joy as I see that little blonde girl sprinting towards me, grinning from ear to ear. I feel His support through the room full of people who are willing to listen to what I have to say, and who have stood beside me through everything I've been through.

We don't just know He loves us through what He's already said and done. We don't just know He loves us because of the small gifts or emotional experiences throughout the day. We know He loves us through the way His kids love us. And that's how others know that He loves them, too. It's a tricky thing He did there, knowing that we'd all have to die to our own needs and live for others and love each other completely. But that's how He set it up, that's how it works.

I'm challenged and comforted.

For  the sake of everyone, for the love of God- love each other.