she's mine, she's mine, she's mine

it all began with..
do You really forgive me? can Your grace reach so far as to meet me here, where i am, covered in sin and filth? can i be forgiven after i blatently told You that Your creation was better than You are, more fulfilling? am i really clean right now? is Your word really living & active, can it pierce between bone and marrow, breaking down all the walls ive built up against You? does Jesus plead my case? do i even know who You really are to me? not from other peoples impressions of You. not my parents God, my friends God, matt carters God, but my God? can our relationship really not be affected by anyone else or anything else?

then He pointed me to..
already you are clean by the Word ive spoken to you. (john 15:3) the one who has bathed doesnt need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. if I do not wash you, then you dont belong to Me. (john 13:8)

this begged the question(s)..
so, i have been cleaned once and for all by His blood? but how do i know that im clean? what does it mean to be cleansed daily?

then my prayer became..
create in me a clean heart, God. and renew a right spirit within me. dont cast me away from Your presence, dont take away Your Holy Spirit from me. restore me to the joy of my salvation, uphold me with a willing spirit. wash me thoroughly from my sin, erase my transgessions completely! i want to be blameless in Your judgement. purge me, and ill be clean. let the bones that You have broken rejoice. hide Your face from my sin. the sacrifices You desire are a broken spirit and contrite heart. i know that You dont despise that, You actually delight in it. (psalm 51)

and that led me to..
let us draw near, with a true heart thats sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed pure with water. (hebrews 10:22) since God said, "I will be your God and you will be My people", let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body & spirit, bringing holiness to completion. (2 cor 7:1)resist the devil, and he will flee from you. draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. cleanse your hands and purify your hearts, you double-minded sinners. (james 4:8)

and that made me wonder..
how do we cleanse ourselves? whats the difference between the cleansing we do ourselves and the cleansing Christ does in us?

and then i read..
the Holy Spirit cleanses our hearts by faith. (acts 15:8) Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of the water with the Word, that He might present her to Himself without blemish. (eph 5:26)

with brought me to the conclusion(s)..
we are cleansed in response to God calling us to be His people.
cleansing results in the completion of holiness, and wisdom.
we are cleansed by His Word.
i am cleansed by my faith in Christ, thats my assurance.
the reason why Christ washes us so that His bride is beautiful when she's presented to Him.
the cleansing we do is putting out of our lives every kind of evil, resisting the devil, and spending time in His Word.
He does the rest.

and then out of nowhere, hebrews 7 comes up..
if perfection was attainable by the law, Jesus wouldnt be necessary, since Jesus is our high priest, the old law is abolished and a new law of freedom is set in place. a better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God. He is able to save completely, forever those who draw near to God, since He always lives to make intercession for them. He is holy, innocent, unstained, seperate from sinners, exalted above the heavens. theres no need for daily sacrifices- He did this once and for all. not only does He offer sacrifices for people, He is the sacrifice. He gave up His own Son for us, why would He not graciously give us all things? it is God who justifies. Christ is at the right hand of God, interceding for us. He effectively intervenes. (romans 8:31)

and so i felt like..
im not going to be good enough on my own. Christ's death would be meaningless if it werent for moments like this whenever weakness and sin overwhelms me. He came- He is here- to set me free from this guilt and shame.

and it ended with..
how beautiful a sound to hear Christ pleading my case, even when i am actively running the other direction. oh, i want to hear the things He says with my own ears. what possibly could He be saying? what else could i give except all of myself? this broken self still isnt enough to repay You half of what Youve given me.
when standing before God, the only plea i have is Jesus, i point to Him, i utter His Name and i am completely forgiven. completely, forever. saved from all that i deserve, given all that i do not. is there more beautiful a name, than Jesus? my only plea, my only hope, my only anchor. all that i have to stand on, hide under, run to, kneel before. my precious Savior. by the name of Jesus- i really am pardoned. not only pardoned, but forgiven. not only forgiven, but also set free.

oh, let me feel the weight of freedom.

i dont have to run anymore because of the words He speaks so boldly to the Father moment by moment:
she's mine. she's mine.
because of these words, i can speak so boldly back:
i'm Yours. i am Yours.

i cried out to the Lord, and He answered me. (psalm 120)