sometimes i dont know what i want.
other times i know what i want. and i want it so bad it makes me sick. and i dont think ill ever get it, or that i even should get it. and thats nauseating too.
i wish i was better at taking pictures with a 35mm. i wish they didnt discontinue polaroid. i wish my pictures were in magazines. i wish i cared enough to do something about it.
i wish God told moses at least what general direction to travel in. i wish God would tell me which general direction to go.
i wish i was so humble i could die for you. or Him. or her.
i wish alot of things. and i hate satan, because hes a sly bastard.
i like that angels encamp around those who fear the Lord. lets hope im fearin the Lord enough right now.
man, today sucked. but yesterday sucked worse. or not. im not sure.
i wish i was a dog. raja has it so easy. i wonder if she wishes she was a human sometimes. i hope i see her in heaven. man, i just want some tattoos. Lord knows i cant sleep right now.
i feel like ive been running and going nowhere and ive taken the time to stop tonight, and its very disalamarming whatever that means. im uncomfortable. i want to crawl out of my skin and go somewhere else and do something else and i have no idea what.
its like when you cant decide on a song, so you stop the music, and its so quiet it breaks your heart and you start crying. and you arent menstruating so theres no valid explanation for whats going on.
its one of those days. its so freaking quiet and i hate it so much.
goodnight probably.
One thing that God has been talking to me about recently is that striving to know Him is utmost crucial. Our living is the projection of our knowledge of Him. AW Tozer said What comes to mind when we think of God is the most important thing about us. I don't condone aestheticism, but it may be that God would rather us have times of revered solitude than vain occupation. In comfort, discomfort, frustration, boredom, anxiety- go outside of yourself and strive for His peace, having no doubt He is doing His thing.
ReplyDeletei could have written this. today.
ReplyDeleteThese days exist so we appreciate the other days. Not that they come quite as often. And we dont know we appreciate them. Because they are s good when they are there that thoughts of a darker time would for sure ruin our natural high. I dont talk to you enough and this makes me sad. I dont see you enough, this also makes me sad. I know you don't come to me... or may people with your problems and fears but im here if you need me. I love you
ReplyDelete