Come home

"I've been made holy by Christ's sacrifice. Sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary. I don't "owe" Him anything, and He isn't holding anything against me. Jesus is the new & living door opened for me, so that I can enter God's Home- the place God dwells. I am always welcome. And I will come close to my Dad, with my heart sincere, full of faith, and washed of a guilty conscience."

Hebrews 10 What a lovely and inviting picture created in my mind. It's God's front porch. He lives in a cabin out in the woods. A little house swallowed up by the trees surrounding it. The front porch is sizable and made out of wood. Rocking chairs and rugs and dog bowls decorate it and make it feel like somewhere I belong. Warm light seeps out through the screen door and windows- creating a certain glow that draws me in. The door is open. It's welcoming. It's comfortable. It's Home. Not just because I've been here before, not just because of the way it looks or what it signifies- but because of the Man that sits inside. He is waiting for me- I can hear the clinking of silverware as He puts away the dishes. I can hear the kettle boiling as He is about to make my coffee just how I like it. This is Home. With everything inside of me, I want to sit on that old couch and pour out my heart to this Man who knows me so completely. I have so much to say to Him, so much to ask Him about. I want to see what's going on in His world, in His mind. I wanna know what's on His heart. I wanna be close to Him. Oh, that my soul would come- that everything within me would unreservedly come, trust, sit, be, rest, laugh with my Father one more time. But in come the lies, the guilt, the fears and reservations. Standing in between me and that open door is the long list of how I "should" be, what I "should" be doing. The pressure I put on myself to pull it together, to behave differently..no, to be different. To be someone that is good, kind, lovable. I long for my very heart to be different than it is. This pressure is a weight that doesn't allow me to make another move. There are lies that tell me I must apologize first, I must feel bad, I must be "more reverent". I must have a better understanding of who it is I'm talking to or what exactly I'm saying. There are lies that tell me His heart is not kind and He is not for me. There are fears that say, "what if He asks you to do this? or give up this?" I have been looking at this open door for too long- held back and weighed down by all the lies and misconceptions I've been believing. It's time to go Home, now. It's time to come Home.