Do you want to get well?

When Jesus saw the invalid sitting there and learned he had been in this condition for thirty-eight years, He asked him, "do you want to get well?" John 5:6

Jesus has a way of asking really good questions. That man had been in the condition for 38 years. By this time, he very well could have been accustomed to his illness. Laying there, motionless may have become comfortable and familiar to him. He may have gotten used to his identity as "the invalid". I mean, what else has he known for 2 decades? So, it's a question without an obvious answer. He may have grown complacent by this point, as many people do. As I may or may not have done. So, this morning Jesus asked me the same thing: Abby, do you want to get well? This is not an unfamiliar question. It came up in Kenya about a year ago. And I didn't know my answer. When I wake up in the morning, I don't have a strong desire to live that day. To do anything in particular. I don't really get excited or look forward to the rest of my life. At this point, it seems daunting. And most things I do, I do to "get them over with". I get discouraged when I look at the long stretch of time left in front of me. I've had this weight hovering over me for as long as I can remember. Literally. And in light of that, I've gotten used to it. I've gotten to know this feeling- this place that my emotions seem to camp out- very well. And now, Jesus is asking me if I want to know a new kind of normal? What all does this entail, Jesus? Re-learning a new mindset, seeing life through a new pair of glasses.. if I'm not "the invalid" then who on earth am I? If I can't get your- or anyone else's attention with my pain, how will I get it? If I don't have this weight on my shoulders, how will I move? All of these things are very unfamiliar and pretty uncomfortable. Which is the reason that "do you want to get well?" is a very, very good question for most of us. Not just "get well" from illness, but from all things. Do we want to leave our sin, our crap behind us? Do we want to move from a place of darkness to light? As my sweet friend put it this weekend: we know what happens in the darkness, because we've lived there for so long.. but who knows what goes on in the Light. Do we want to know? For me, the answer (over the past year) has become a yes. Not necessarily because I'm looking forward to the unknown, but because of the One who goes with me. If I see my Jesus walking into unfamiliar territory, I'm not going to stay behind and hope He comes back for me.. I'm going to stay right on His heels. Even if that means leaving behind all that I've known and all that I've been.