be salty.

it is not up to my discretion where i live, it is Christs decision. its not up to me who i talk to today, its His call. this dollar is not my own, it is His and His alone.
i died the moment i told Him i 'accepted' Him. the moment i gave Him my life, i gave Him all my dreams and aspirations and desires and fears and the way i do things.
these days, there is an issue with people coming to 'know' Christ, but not counting the cost of discipleship. i wonder if at those huge rallies or conferences, when people rush forward at the altar call, if Jesus is standing there, screaming at them to take a second, and count the cost.
i definitely didnt know the cost. i didnt know that i would have to wake up every morning and die, that i would have to renounce everything. it wasnt until 2 weeks ago i took those words in luke 14 seriously. and its realy discontenting, humbling, and convicting.
i can lay down all of my material possessions with more ease than most people, but my personality is harder for me to surrender. ive spent 17 years cultivating this person i want to be, how i want to act, who i want to be. but, like i said, im dead. it really isnt that abby that lives anymore. it is only Christ. the same Jesus that walked 2000 years ago, still alive in me today.
i hope this realization makes its way from my head to my heart, soon and very soon. then it will produce a change that puts a smile on His face.

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/radical/

Luke 14:25-34
Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish. Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.
"He who has ears to hear, let him hear."