and you know, i'm not resentful. im really not. people do what they need to do to take care of themselves, right? right. i mean he did what i asked him to do, and so in a twisted ingenuine way im happy. but either way its irrelevant.
all i know is that He is alleviating the pain and filling the holes.
and i am not afraid, because He reminded me this morning that He is with me. (isaiah 41:10)
i also realized that i care alot about the things i care about, which tend to be far and few between. obscure things like old alchoholic homeless men and photos and my dog. i care about these things so much i forget to shower and eat. i havent decided if this is healthy or not, and i havent even decided if i care about that.

you know what i want? i want to sit down and go over everything with him. tell him everything i miss and everything i hated and everything i loved and how its so different.
you know what i need? to pee and go to sleep.