there is a mountain range of clouds in the sky. we are flying over the ocean. its really fascinating. its just like these masses in the sky, they look completely still because we are moving so fast. half the people on the plane are asleep, that blows my mind. its like we have occupied the earth so long we cant appreciate the beauty in the "little things" (ie the enormous things like clouds) ive always wondered if the angels lived in the clouds. like real, fire breathing, demon conquering angels. what if there was Holy war that took place in these heavenly bodies of mass? what if clouds in the sky were really battle grounds? also, ive always wondered if, on my way to heaven, i could take a break and spend a day in the clouds.
im begging for the day my soul breaks free from this body and finds its way homes. somewhere beyond these clouds.
regarding my new friend who is also going to haiti also:
she graduated from A&M last year, majoring in business and communication. she says evangelizing isnt her strongsuit and she emails Aaron Ivey every now and then. she talks to her mom alot, one time her moms plane got struck by lightning. she hates not being in open spaces or not being able to see outside. shes good at meeting strangers. she looks more like an amanda, which doesnt narrow anything down. she has trouble sleeping any other time than at night. i wonder what God has done/is doing/will do in her life. on that note, earlier today, she said "a plane thats actually on time, what a miracle!" amen sister, it truly is. you know what else will be a miracle? if our luggage ever finds its way to haiti.
praise You! who knows Your plans, Your mind? not us, not even the angels. You are a mystery. You will do and have done great things.
[in the San Juan airport]
something about what im about to do really bothers me. its so american. "okay, im here now! everyone can relax now!" just the whole idea is off. honestly, the state that Haiti is in will be exactly the same is it was before i came. im feeling kinda useless, kinda selfish. if you cant tell. i saw a guy with a beard in a dashiki with a huge headwrap sitting in the airport waiting to go to Haiti too. in my mind, his name was elijah. he is a missionary not affiliated with any big NGO or nonprofit. he just goes and does and follows Him, loving along the way. a really beautiful african looking woman sat down next to him. so they go together. but, what ive realized is no matter where you go, you cant fly without a boarding pass. there will always be obligations, money, schedules. you cant just be. you cant just exist. im considering spending the rest of my life finding that place. finding the place where i can live; finding my home. this is my prayer:
Lord, wherever i go, let this be said "her feet carried the gospel. they carried peace." ill always be a wanderer, a vegabond. but i will always be at home with You. Lord, open my eyes to speak, give me some nerves (balls). through these feet, bring the gospel, bring peace. only You are capable of doing this Lord. come here. guide me, use me, my words are Yours. i am Yours. i love You. You are my home.
things that made me smile today:
the search dog in the airport, elijah, the haitian woman, the lady that smiled as big as emily ward.
birds are really fish swimming in the sky.
no matter where you are, that is where you are.
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