i want to be alone.

and thats not a bad thing.
i just don't want to need anyone, to even want anyone. i just want to be okay by myself, and i feel like i'm slowly getting there. i want to be so dependent on God that nothing else and no one else matters to me. i just want to be by myself, and have that be enough.

i just want it to be quiet. im so tired of noise. and christmas lights.

i care alot about my friend who has back problems. He has placed something in my heart for her. and i love her so much, with all i have. i want so desperately to trade her places, i want her to see herself the way i see her. she is beautiful. she has a big heart, and an especially strong spirit. everyone sees that but her. she means a lot to me, and she means so much more to Him. i wish there was something i could do to show her that.

i have a friend, and i spent christmas day with him. it was really, really nice. i enjoy his company, and his face is pleasant to my eyes, his voice is lovely to my ears.

here: http://www.musicbymyfriends.com/kevin.htm

this music inspires and convicts me. it moves me.

i can feel these expectations slipping.

so much has changed. that's okay i guess. i assume things will keep changing or not changing regardless of my opinions of them, so i don't know why i'm typing this.

there's so many things i want to be, and i don't feel like i'm any of them. and instead of being inspiring, it is discouraging. those two are very closely related.